Honestly, the sometimes copious usage of commas is still a "better" writing flaw than what I used to do - back in the day, I'd write every single sentence with conjugated verb sections added willy-nilly, so you'd get trash like "Ulquiorra, running up to Ichigo, stabs him in the chest". Part of my current project consists of fixing what I already wrote years ago, it's that bad.
If I had to recommend a summary of mine for overall quality, I'd go with The Seireitei Infiltration because I was really in the groove when writing it.
Good plan with the official translations, my biased hope is that maybe some of the things I found too ludicrous to accept about the story were the result of mistranslations but more realistically speaking it'll be minor stuff like phrasing and dialogue styles. Then again, access to a proper (if still unofficial) translation of the early chapters of the final arc led to the discovery that it was the Central 46, and not Yamamoto himself, who cancelled Kenpachi's Zanjutsu training, so who knows? Maybe history will repeat itself.