Talk:Nelliel's Past

Pesche and Dondochakka present
Should Pesche and Dondochakka's surprise attack in the present be added to the episode summary before where the summary states "and Nelliel prepares to release her Zanpakutō"? --Lemursrule (talk) 02:57, April 9, 2011 (UTC)

Anything that is part of the episode should be included. Usually from title screen to the to be continued. So if it falls in there, it has a place in the article.--

Yeah, anything that is not a recap from the previous episode(s), which is usually, but not always from the title screen onwards, up to the to be continued can be added. 10:00, April 9, 2011 (UTC)

Rough Draft For Summary
Here is the rough draft for the summary.

Dondochakka emerges from the remains of Szayel Aporro Granz's layer and attempts to free Pesche from beneath the rubble. Unable to free Pesche, Dondochakka sits down to take a rest and remarks how Renji and Uryū are being easily overpowered by Szayel Aporro. Dondochakka then states that Szyael Aporro’s ressureccion looks like Udon noodles. Pesche agrees and states that Szayel Aporro’s attack should be called “the Szayel Aporro Udon.” Dondochakka says that the name is lame. Pesche then becomes enraged and tells Dondochakka that he should not have brought it up and demands Dondochakka to release him from the rubble. Dondochakka successfully removes Pesche from the rubble (which leads to Dondochakka rolling down large amounts of rubble). Pesche states that both he and Dondochakka can’t waste anymore time.

Meanwhile, the fight between Nnoitra Gilga and Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck continues. Still heavily injured, Ichigo attempts to get up and assist Nel. Orihime tries to persuade Ichigo to stay still, but Ichigo insists that he must help Nel. Suddenly Nnoitra’s Fracción, Tesra Lindocruz appears and kicks Ichigo away and captures Orihime. Tesra demands Orihime not to move and to not get in Nnoitra’s way. He further states that Nel is an obstacle that must be defeated by Nnoitra only.

The scene switches to the past, when Nel was still a member of the Espada. Nnoitra fought with Nel regularly, and she would usually easily dispatch him. In one session, Nnoitra demanded that she continue the fight until one of them died, and Nel refused. She states that since they have evolved from humans, to Hollows, and eventually Arrancar, that they have regained their sanity and reasoning. She continues, saying that in order to fight, you must have a purpose, something which Nnoitra lacks. Nel states that she has no purpose to fight Nnoitra; therefore there is no reason for her to kill him. Nnoitra rebuttals and states his reason for fighting Nel is because he loaves and despises her. Nel sighs, and tells Nnoitra that it is not a good reason, and states that it is instinct. She calls Nnoitra a “beast,” and further states that she does not recognize Nnoitra as a warrior, and she does not wish to feel guilty of killing someone who isn’t even a warrior. Nel then leaves the scene, in which a disgruntled Nnoitra curses her.

Tesra appears and tries to assist Nnoitra. This angers Nnoitra and he nearly kills his Fracción. Nnoitra tells Tesra not to get friendly with him, and not to act like he is his equal. Tesra asks why Nnoitra is determined to defeat Neliel, and asks why Nnoitra has not pursued other Espada. Nnoitra states that he hates Nelliel, and it is unacceptable for a woman to defeat a man in battle.

Back in the present, both Nnoitra and Nel continue to spare, which eventually leads to a blade lock. While their blades are locked, Nnoitra taunts Nel about what she had said to him in the past, and replies “how does it feel to be killed by a lowly beast!” Their blades eventually separate, and Nel is pushed back. Nel begins to remember the day her life changed forever.

Back in the past, Nel looks for her two Fracción, Dondochakka Birstanne and Pesche Guatiche. She looks for her friends and tells them that it is dinnertime. Hungry and unable to find her friends, Nel takes a walk outside, with Nnoitra waiting for her. Nel somewhat annoyed, states “not you again.” Nnoitra asks Nel if she is “looking for someone?” Nel tells Nnoitra that it is none of his business and begins to walk away. Nel stops and tells Nnoitra that carrying his weapon out in the open is an empty threat, and if he wants to be more of a threat, that he should hide his weapon from sight.

Nel continues to walk away, when suddenly an explosion occurs behind her. Nel quickly jumps out of the way, only to find in the clearing dust her Fracción severely injured from having their masks forcibly removed. Pesche apologizes to Nel for failing her. Horrified, Nel calls Nnoitra “a monster,” and the two Espada begin to clash. Nnoitra states that Nel has a more than a good enough reason to fight him. Nel tells Nnoitra that it is not a reason to fight to the death. Surprised, Nnoitra is confused to why nearly killing Nel’s subordinates isn’t a good enough reason for her to fight him. Nel states what Nnoitra did was wrong, and declares that he will pay for what he has done. Nel begins to overpower Nnoitra, and eventually kicks him through a wall, which sends him crashing into the sand. Nnoitra recovers only to have Nel attack him from above. Nnoitra quickly jumps out of the way, and begins to parry Nel’s attacks. Nnoitra is pushed back by Nel’s attacks, and the two eventually move into a tiled area. Unknowing to Nel, she activates a trap set for her by Szayel Aporro Granz. Nnoitra jumps above Nel in what appears to be an attempt for an attack from behind. Nel tells Nnoitra that his attempt was too slow, and goes in for the finishing blow. Nel cuts through the Nnoitra illusion only to realize that it was a trap. Nnoitra then attacks Nel from behind, and shatters a part of her mask. Nel then falls to the ground defeated.

Later, Nnoitra drags Nel, Pesche, and Dondochakka in a burlap sack to the roof of Las Noches. Nnoitra talks to the unconscious Nel and states that the whole point of battle is to win at all costs. He also states that fighting doesn’t require a good reason, and that it is not logical. Nnoitra further insults Nel about her philosophies, and states that she makes him sick. Nnoitra then notices Szayel Aporro Granz standing behind him.

Nnoitra tells Szayel Aporro that his services are no longer needed and demands him to leave. Szayel Aporro asks why Nnoitra is giving him “the cold shoulder,” and states that he thought that they were allies, and wishes to see the final result of their partnership. Nnoitra states that he doesn’t remember them joining forces, and states that he merely took advantage of Szayel Aporro. Szayel Aporro states that their partnership was formed by Nnoitra’s desire to defeat Nel, and for him to have a test subject for his new device. Nnoitra tells Szayel Aporro that he is too philosophical in his speeches, and that he makes him want to vomit. Nnoitra then throws his defeated opponents off the roof of Las Noches into outskirts of Hueco Mundo.

While watching his opponents fall to the ground, in inner thought, Nnoitra states that it was never power that divided both him and Nel, rather it was experience. Nnoitra promises that before Nel’s wound has healed and she has returned to Las Noches, he will have surpassed her. Nnoitra commands Szayel Aporro to leave with him. Szayel Aporro states that Nnoitra doesn’t have the right to give him orders. Nnoitra states that Szayel Aporro isn’t even an Espada, and that he should follow his orders. Szayel Aporro states while that may be true, he reminds Nnoitra that the only reason why he was able to defeat Nel was because of his device, and that he should have some respect.

Nnoitra begins to walk away, when a strange pink glow appears behind him. Nnoitra rushes back to the edge of the roof, and looks down below at the pink glow surrounding Nel. Nnoitra states that is reiatsu, and the pink energy begins to despite, revealing a shrunken Nel. Nnoitra is shocked with the result, and Szayel Aporro explains her new form is the result of reiatsu leaking from her cracked mask, which in turn, caused her soul to shrink. Nnoitra laughs, and states that he doesn’t care how it’s happening, and begins to mock Nel, and states that her new body “suits her perfectly,” and continues to laugh. Nnoitra says that the turn of events means that he Nel will never spare again, which he states is really a shame. Nnoitra and Szayel Aporro walk away back into Las Noches.

Nel finally regains consciousness, however she has no idea where she is. Nel notices Pesche and Dondochakka and asks them who they are. Pesche and Dondochakka realize that Nnoitra’s blow to Nel’s head has caused her to forget everything about her life. Nel tells “the strangers” that her head hurts, and Dondochakka is almost at a loss for words. Pesche tells Dondochakka to be quiet, and tells him that their master Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck is dead. Pesche states with her mask destroyed, her memories erased, and her powers lost that the person they knew no longer exists. However, Pesche declares that they must protect the new Nel with their lives.

Back in the present, with Pesche looking on to a heavily injured Renji. Szayel Aporro tells Renji that he has taken him down several times, and that should stay down. Renji then charges Szayel Aporro, which results in Szayel Aporro breaking Renji’s left Achilles tendon. Renji is brought to the ground, and Szayel Aporro tries to decide what organs to destroy next. Szayel Aporro tells Renji not to move a muscle, and he destroys another body part. Renji screams in extreme pain and Szayel tells him to stay still.

Suddenly, Pesche attacks Szayel Aporro with his Infinite Slick, which causes Szayel Aporro to drop the two dolls, and Pesche quickly snatches them. Dondochakka then arrives and brings out Bawabawa from his mouth, allowing Pesche to jump on top of him. Uryū asks him why Bawabawa came out of his mouth and Pesche explains that he's one of the combat insect spirits that Dondochakka keeps in his body, but they never told Nel because of the possibility that her memories would return. He explains that they didn't want her memories to return because then she would be forced into combat again, but because she has regained her will to fight they decided that they would assist her anyway they can. Pesche then tells Szayel that they don't have time to deal with him and he gets ready for battle.

Meanwhile, Nnoitra and Nel continue their fight. Nel is pushed back and nearly trips. Nel then kicks his Zanpakutō away as Nnoitra goads her, telling her to surrender. Nel states that it is a pity, as it will be difficult to transform again after only just returning to her original form. She then begins to release her Zanpakutō.

Please tell me what needs to be improved. --Lemursrule (talk) 22:32, April 9, 2011 (UTC)

Feedback
Hi, Lemur!

Just some feedback for your draft. The sentences : ''She states their evolution from humans, to hollows, and eventually arrancar. She states by becoming arrancar, they regained their sanity and reasoning. She states that in order to fight, you must have a purpose, and states that Nnoitra lacks one ''should be fused together to prevent repetition. It should go something like:

''She states that since they have evolved from humans, to Hollows, and eventually Arrancar, that they have regained their sanity and reasoning. She continues, saying that in order to fight, you must have a purpose, something which Nnoitra lacks.''

Also, the last paragraph has some wording that is a bit funky. It says : ''Nel states that it's such a pity as it that she as it will be difficult to transform again after only just returning to her original form. Therefore she didn't want to resort to it, and she begins to release her, Zanpakutō, ''whereas, it should really say:

''Meanwhile, Nnoitra and Nel continue their fight. Nel is pushed back and nearly trips. Nel then kicks his Zanpakutō away as Nnoitra goads her, telling her to surrender. Nel states that it is a pity, as it will be difficult to transform again after only just returning to her original form. She then begins to release her Zanpakutō. ''

Hopefully, this is the last piece of feedback for your article in the works. ''Back in the present, with Pesche looking on to a heavily injured Renji. Szayel Aporro tells Renji that he has taken him several times, and that should stay down. ''These two sentences should be fused, and the finished product should be something like:

Back in the present, Pesche looks to a heavily injured Renji, as Szayel Aporro tells him that he has taken him several times, and that he should stay down. Just a general question, when you say Szayel has taken Renji several times, do you mean that he has defeated him?

What happened was when I was using spell check, it took out the word "down." It should say "Szayel Aporro tells Renji that he has taken him down several times, and that should stay down." Oh Microsoft, how I love thee! --Lemursrule (talk) 00:32, April 10, 2011 (UTC)

Hope this helped!

Thanks,

Jirachiwish Talk  23:17, April 9, 2011 (UTC)

The draft has been updated. Thanks Again! --Lemursrule (talk) 23:23, April 9, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah that last one was really weird... yeah... thanks --Lemursrule (talk) 00:20, April 10, 2011 (UTC)

Pretty good, my only suggestion is there are some slight out of universe references. Like "The scene switches to the past" and "Back in the present". These can be kind of iffy and hard to work around but I would replace them with, Nel flashes back to the past, remembering...(or Nnoitra flash back- if it it was his flash back, I can't remember). Then Instead of Back in the present, Coming out of her flashback... and such. Just a suggestion though--

Ok I will try to see where I can best fit your suggestions. --Lemursrule (talk) 04:27, April 10, 2011 (UTC)

Yea trying to find a way to make this work. On the one hand, I could see the first flashback being Nnoitra's flashback, because the scene starts out with him, and it almost seems like Tesra is almost in a sort of "story-mode" so to speak. However when the next flash begins, which obviously is Nel's, it eventually molds into Nnoitra, Pesche, Dondochakka, and Szayel Aporro's flashback. So I really have no clue how to make the second flashback not sound out of universe. If you or anyone else has any suggestions, I would love to hear them. --Lemursrule (talk) 20:08, April 10, 2011 (UTC)