User blog:TVthePunisher/Headline News! Someone shoot me, TWO CHAPTERS?! 428 and Hell!

From imaginary worlds beyond your comprehension, to a blackeye I just got from my 1 year old...THIS IS TV'S NEWS SEGMENT CALLED...................ANYWAYS, LET'S GET ON WITH THE SHOW!

TV: Hello one, hello all and Welcome to another edition of News in the BLEACH UNIVERSE! Ya know...I've noticed something, we're really not all that informative...

SP2: Maybe if we talked about murders, child abductions and the economy you might get something to the people...

TV: SILENCE! This is fantasy...who gives a hoot about the real world?

SP3: I'm afraid people who are currently suffering tragic deaths every day, living in less-than appropriate living conditions with little to no money to spend and thus are forced to read Manga Online by default due to a lack of money to actually purchase volumes. Basically, not us.

TV: Exactly...so where are we right now? Talking about Bleach or complex things that could matter less?

SP1: BAZINGA!

TV: ....Bleach it is. So in an unusual tradition that has occurred a few times in the past...(would that still make it unusual?), an alternate chapter was released along with the normal storyline this week. Unfortunately...it creates a problem: do Arrancars really just go to Hell rather than break up into the thousands of spirits held within their bodies? Does that mean all the innocents souls that lost their lives are now forced to keep on living as nothing within another being's body? Probably, I'm not one of them...SO I DON'T CARE!

SP2: Correctomundo! Therefore we shall start on Chapter Imaginary 1. We're in an unsual place, haven't seen it before...looks kind of like Huenco Mundo doesn't it? But what's this...Pink-Haired Ishida?! Wasn't he left to die by King Tut back nearly 100 chapters ago?! But he's active...wearing his second outfit. Surprisingly, he's not alone...Arano is there too!

TV: A...rano?

SP2: I'm too lazy to try and pronounce Number 9's name, yes...so I just call him A-Ray-No! So Arano the Fishtank is there, apparently starting off as some sort of friendly meeting...but thanks to both Arrancar's obvious villanry, their relationship turns sour as four-eyes says he wants to examine fish-tank's liquidy goodness but fishtank is like NO U and attempts to devour him with his favorite technique. For some reason, Szayel controls himself and shows just how smart he is by telling Arano to shut the @#$$ up and instead examines their location...when "A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES". His name? Shuren or as I like to call him, Isaac from Castlevania:Curse of Darkness with three UGLY partners. In fact, one of them kind of reminds me of Kenpachi Zaraki, not the guy that Gene Simmons put in his comic...FAIL if ya know...ya cut off the top part of his head (which Kenpachi would never let happen, can't mess with Kenny).

TV: Shuren, isn't that the guy from that upcoming Bleach: Hell Arc movie?

SP2: That it is, which completely destroys the point of this chapter. Without him, I would call this chapter canon...but unfortunately, this is a tie-in to get fans excited for the next movie. Anyways, Shuren starts talking allmighty and reveals that they're in Hell, to which Szayel tests theories and what not...Arano attacks, gets pwned...then Szyael uses a Gran Rey Cero (sweetness) but Shuren pwns that?! I guess it ain't worth the effort that Grimmjow put into it, remember how pointless the attack was in the first place? He goes on and on about it...uses it to try and get Ichigo (misses btw) and then Ichigo deflects it with his sword as if it was a f'n failed cero. ANYWAYS, Shuren deals with by Szayel and Arano...KOing them because they're in Hell (and thus can't die) and then goes on about Ichigo, how he needs him...

TV: Interesting, do you think they'll be more? We'd like to know where the heck Grim-Reaper's Jaw went....personally though I don't want him in Hell.

SP2: Course you don't, nobody does...we all want him to come back and turn into Chad, a useless side-character that always gets his butt kicked no matter how much he improves himself...

TV: Maybe...you're...right? So any afterthoughts for this chapter?

SP2: I thought it was a nice change of pace, personally I'd love a little sideseries...but since movies are never Canon, might as well tog it up as a filler-arc...MANGA STYLE!

TV: I'd love to see it animated but THAT'LL NEVER HAPPEN! Anyways, how about the actual chapter for this week. In actual Bleach Canonicity, we see Ichigo and his new buddy Kugo, who has a mysterious past associated with him. More talking, just like before...some drama, somethings about Dexter's past- er sorry, I've got Dexter on the mind...AHEM, Strawberry's past with his family...yadda yadda, Kugo leaves and here comes King Bradley and another Hiyori wannabe-piss-TV-the-Hell-Off-Stump, who share some comic relief before they vanish. Ichigo then heads off to see Spike Spiegel while Alex Louis Armstrong WRASTLES Chibi-Renji with WTF is that Thing?! A bug with feelers for bangs?! doing her typical tickle-feet motions. In the meantime, Ichigo's sister Jailbait-Tron is talking with Mr. Hat and Clogs about things she wants to buy...things lead to other things and she runs off dramatically, with Ichigo noticing this secret come to light. All of the sudden, Kugo arrives to let Ichigo know that he may not know everything he should about Mr. Hat and Clogs...then reveals his name.

SP1: Interesting review...anything else in Bleach news?

TV: To be honest, I have no idea. I'm eating chicken...CRAP I'M CHOKING, END OF REPORT!

SP2: There you have it, TV's Bleach Report for the Week! Condensed...alive...and now going to go watch TV (norelation).